Bin Laden and David Cohen in Hell
Well now, old Bin Laden wakes up
in Hell, he’s really surprised, looks around at all the burning screaming
miscreants openly sobbing, and say’s to The Devil. “Hey you Infidel, where’s my
seventy two virgin’s I was promised.” The Devil looks around in dismissive
prose at our perplexed Islamist and talks deeply and slowly. “My dear boy could
it be you are not aware of where you are and who I am? I think you will surely
not find one, never mind the number you require we simply just don’t do
virgins.” “Well who are you then? “ Our sea salty cleric asks. “This is Hell
and I’m The Prince of Darkness, Lucifer if you like.” The Devil says as he
puffs out his chest. “Your here because that pompous lounge lizard up there
among the clouds didn’t think you were up to scratch, to be honest I could do
with a bad geezer to help me out down here.” Bin Laden looks shocked and
disappointed, his shoulders sag and he looks around at the characters skulking
in hot coves and dark settings. “But I thought I was good Lucifer, getting rid
of all those anti Islamic, decadent westerners, why I even toppled a few
buildings containing some alcohol swigging sinners.”
“Hmmm Lucifer says twiddling his
goatee beard, I’m not sure half the Earth will see it that way, but just
because you fight for a cause it doesn’t mean you are in the right old boy.
Look Bin you are here for a long time why not just get on with being a complete
bastard? You have had lots of practice so it should be easy for you.” “I see
what you mean Lucifer, but can’t you see I always considered myself good and
reasonable, it was those Americans who are the sinners in my eyes?” Bin say’s
unconvincingly. “I don’t want to be drawn into politics Bin, you are here for a
reason and one only mate, and you have upset the good people so it’s down to me
in my home you stay.” Lucifer insisted with an air of superiority. “Look Bin
why don’t you take a look around my home? You will know lots of my guests,
Hitler, Saddam, Chemical Ali, Genghis Kan, Pol Pot, Stalin, Myra Hindley, Al Capone, I could go on, they are all sad
disillusioned folk who still can’t get their heads round the fact they were
complete bastards, just like you Bin Laden!”
“Hitler was a good lad, he fought the Jews.” Bin Laden smirked thinking
he had put one over on Lucifer. “I think we might share the same ground on that
one thinly Bin old boy, but really we have hundreds of Nazi generals packing
the place out, not to mention freedom fighters galore, all thinking they were
right. That geezer upstairs is a Jew so you might have a point with me at
least; But we are not here for our views rightly or wrongly, so zip it man, and
while you are at it get a steam bath you reek of fish. “
“I’m going to send you a video
Lucifer to see if I can convince you I’m a good boy.” Bin says lamely. “Don’t
tire me Bin it’s been a cold day for me, you are to film making what woodworm
was to mine support beams, unwelcome! Get it do you? Now get to work, start
making love to those Broadway hookers that should dampen your attitude, pure
American they are, and you know how you like porn, didn’t mind the Yanks then
did you?” Lucifer snaps tired of the
ranting cleric. “After a couple of hours watching porn with Saddam and Hitler,
Bin Laden retires to bed and thinks in the name of Allah this rooms hotter than an Afghan whore house. Besides he can’t sleep with all that snoring
and laughing from The Boston Strangler . Add all those boy racers zipping up and down
all night, this sure was Hell. Finally Bin goes to sleep, he dreams and wakes
up to the loud bang of a couple of suicide bombers, “In the name of Allah,
can’t you stop all this noise, isn’t there enough fire down here already?” The
bombers answer back. One shouts. “We are only doing what you taught us boss,
where’s my virgins anyway? I was better off with that big fat wife of mine, at
least I had sex twice a year.”
2.
Bin Laden takes a preaching pose. “Have I ever
let you down? Settle with a few of those Western Whore’s over there for now my
Brothers, Allah will forgive you.” Bin says to the hundreds of men repeatedly
blowing themselves to pieces, hoping to appease them. “Ah fuck you phoney
jerk.” They all say in an American accent. “Holy Fatwa what has become of
everything?” Bin shouts, then he sobs to him self on the bed. Just then a
Diamond Dealing Jew from Hatton Garden, London taps him on the shoulder and
says. “Do not despair Brother, we can be
friends after all.” Bin Laden jumps back in revulsion shouting. “I would sooner
give oral to a U.S. Marine than be a brother of yours David, this really is
Hell.” David sits quietly rocking back
and forth like he's in prayer. Finally after all this awkward silence Bin says.
"Stop being a pompous bastard David like all your Israeli brothers, anyway
what did you do to upset daddy up in that white palace?" "Well Bin you could say we are alike in
our equal hate capacities, I returned home from London to The Holy Land and
fired a rocket at a shed full of Palestinians, causing huge damage and death." David grins.
"Why you bastard Lamb Shafter, I'll cut your throat, I will spread your
entrails in the Suez, I will.... Before Bin can finish David takes out a black
polished box from under his bed and
invites the still furious Bin to open it. Lucifer hovers around curious to see
the men at least talking to each other. Bin slowly opens the box to reveal the
head of a beautiful woman in perfect condition. "Where did you get this,
this wonder of nature, this complete beauty David?" David explains to Bin she was a female suicide
bomber who blew up an embassy, he gathered it and kept it, the reasons were
many, first there was her stunning beauty, then his admiration for her courage,
and lastly great sadness that she thought so little of her life to end it in
such a wasteful way. "Wasteful to you! Infidel western loving traitor to
the east!" Bin burst into the conversation grabbing David by the throat.
The two men rolled about punching and biting each other. David goads Bin even
further sniggering, "better not tell your brothers you tried to eat a Jew
Binny, Ha! Ha!" Lucifer grabs the
two fighters by the scruff of the neck shouting, "will you never learn?
put your hate to good use, we need to gather more for our land here. We won't
do it by this constant pulling each other apart. Lads we are all bastards
together, get used to it. Now look I'm going to send you two back to Earth to
enrol as many innocents to your evil ways as you can, and lads, lads, make sure
they do real bad ok?" " Yes boss." They both say in unison. Bin
and David look at each other smiling. I'll send you back next week, Lucifer
says before moving on to the next bunch of screaming harlots.
David throws the box with the
woman's head in it at Bin, "keep it, Bin, I'm not sure I best return it to
her family." Late that night an overwhelming urge comes into Bin's mind,
he can't stop thinking about the woman's face and lips inside the box. His hand
moves down slowly to his groin, he lingers, then murmur's "no, no, this is
unmanly." And he withdraws his hand away, he cries to himself, sobbing
" this is Hell, Hell," the box is facing him on his table. Suddenly
the box lid opens to reveal the beautifully sculptured face of the suicide
woman. Bin overcome by his urges patters out of his hot bed and pulls the full
lips of the woman to his manhood, he thrusts in and out, faster and faster,
"forgive me Allah" he shouts. All this noise disturbs David who
bursts in shouting, "What the Jesus is going on?" Poor Bin is at the
point of no return and like a jet about to take off nothing can stop it, he
doesn't see the Jew and shudders, then with all the pulling he dislodges the
head from the box. Bin lies back on the bed with the head stuck to his manhood.
3.
David realising Bin
is in so much ecstasy hides behind a curtain. Finally Bin lets out a big
satisfied sigh and pulls the head off his slackening manhood. Bin looks at the
smiling woman's face and strokes her dark curls. By this time David is rolling
about laughing, Bin hears this. And covers his shrivelled manhood with his
tunic. When your caught in the act it's no time for arrogance, so Bin say's
lamely. "Erm is that you David?" David cannot answer because he's
pissing himself. Recovering from his embarrassment Bin resumes his short tone,
"Answer me you sheep shagger!" David can finally talk and says,
"I've heard of giving it some head but this is ludicrous!" Bin looks
down and sees a label on the back of the head of the woman, it says, You now
have aids you filthy bastard, love from Honey, The New York street walker. Bin
is furious, he looks down to see little cuts in his manhood, he shouts,
"infected with the non mans disease from an American Whore!" David is
in pleats and can't breath, finally he blurts out, "she's a lady boy
too!" Bin is distraught and beats his pillow. "I hate this place, I
don't deserve to be here. I'll get you for this Jew boy." David just
smirks at him, goading him until Bin snaps and lunges at him. Lucifer drags the
two men apart, "I thought I told you two to make the peace. I need you
working for me not arguing!" David is making a clasped up and down hand at
Bin behind Lucifer's back, whispering "Wanker, wanker." Bin looks at
David and pulls his hand across his throat in a slashing motion. Finally with
Lucifer's presence the two hateful men go to bed. About five minutes later they
sleep.
Not long after some suicide bombers kick off, shouting
before they die, Allah, for Islam, my virgins! "Fucking idiots," Bin
mutters to himself as he swigs a Jim Beam bourbon. Bin settles down again, two minutes
later Hitler is giving a speech to anyone who will listen with a megaphone. Bin
shouts "Adolph go to bed, nobody likes BMW owners, they are arrogant
pricks just like you." Hitler doesn't understand Bin and just carries on
giving a loud speech. Bin cries to himself, "what did I do to deserve
this?" He gets up and kicks the
lady boys head into the corner. It seems to have a grin all over it so Bin puts
it back inside the box to laughs from David. "Be careful with your
boyfriend Bin." David shouts goading the seething cleric. Bin settles down
again and puts some headphones on, sadly he never hears the gang of demons
outside throwing hot bricks into his bedroom, they land on him and burn into
his back and he screams in pain. Lucifer
is doing his rounds and calls in to see the Arab. Bin complains and Lucifer
chases the demons away, "go and give Myra Hindley a little dose of the hot
rocks my children will you?" They all cackle and run off to begin the
evening of Myra baiting. Bin asks Lucifer for something for the burns, Lucifer
gives him a little tub and leaves to see how Pol pot is getting along. Bin reads
the instructions on the tub, it advisers, "For bovine relief of burns and
hoof ulcers." Bin checks with David if he's used it, David assures Bin it
has instant relief. Bin plasters it on himself and notices it has a strong beef
like smell, it doesn't seem to be making the pain go away. he shouts in to
David, "hey stinking Jew, this stuff is useless!" David shouts back,
"give it time you crying Arab." for some reason be it exhaustion or
just pain he drifts off to sleep. Bin is soon awoken by hot breath on his neck,
and a searing pain in his arse. He struggles vainly but the hoofed Beast is
firmly locked around him, grunting and snorting, drivelling globules of smelly
snot down his neck. The smell is awful and as it climaxes he feels the beasts
organ burst his passage as it ejaculates inside him. There is a warm flow of
blood moving down his buttocks and the pain is immense, Bin cries biting the
pillow. This goes on for three hours, time after time after time. The Beast is
evil and oblivious to Bin's screams. David shouts in laughing to the stricken
Arab. "I think he likes you Bin." The beast looks around for a
moment, Bin thinks it's all over, but no it starts again, until finally, later
it lets Bin's limp body go.
4.
The floor shakes with the weight
of the Demon Beast. It's breathing hard and looks around Bin's room, taking
whatever it likes, gold rings, his Koran, and the lady boys head. Bin lies
there too scared to breathe let alone complain, he sees it in a glass bead,
horned, with evil black eyes and a hoofed lower region, it's huge penis swing
from side to side. Now he knows what Hell is like for certain. The blood finally stops flowing, and Bin
whispers into David, "I thought, you said it would bring relief you
bastard." David shouts back laughing, well it did for the Beast, get over
it Bin, be a man, we all had to go through it here!" Everyone is so scared
of the horny beast the hot flamed streets are empty. Bin soon realises there is
no day in Hell just dark ghastly night. Bin can hear the clumping of the beasts
hoofs not too far away. It stops at a cave and bangs on the door of Myra
Hindley, he sees it enter and hears her screams in the dark, coupled with the
beasts loud snorting and climaxing. Bin is relieved it isn't him and lies there
shaking with fear, afraid to move. Then he remembers the beef smell, "shit"
he says to himself, he throws the pot down the alley and it rolls into Hitler's
room. As Adolph sleeps the pot smoulders in the heat. The Beast is finished
with the crying Hindley and as she sobs it sniffs the air and locates the smell
to Hitler's abode. The air is filled with shouts in German as the beast wrecks
the Nazi's last line of defence. Bin gets in the shower and washers the
terrible smell of the Beast away, and more importantly the beefy ointment
smell. He hears David laughing as Adolph is given the treatment. Hours later
the Beast moves out to another part of Hell for some new flesh to plunder, a
wave of fear is left in its foul wake. Bin hobbles around the room holding his
bruised buttocks, he is brutally injured and needs stitches in his gaping
wounds. He feels so glad the terrible ordeal is over and isn't even bothered
David is clipping his toenails on his bed. Bin won't dare ask for any ointment in case the smell
of it entices anything like that nightmare again. and so he suffers in silence
praying to his God Allah, but he hears nothing. Finally he asks David for some
cotton to stitch his injuries. He realises he can't do it himself and has to
ask David. At first David says no, but feels sorry for the Arab and gets on
with the job turning his head away at times and missing the arse and sticks the
needle into his balls. Bin screams, "pay attention you fucking Jew."
David drops the needle and says "do it yourself you ungrateful twat."
Bin says, "ok ,ok I'm sorry please carry on." David makes full use of
his power and says "well shut up you wailing wall." David finishes to
the relief of Bin who has something resembling a rear again. "A thousand
blessings David, I'm beginning to respect you a little." "Don't go
overboard Arab boy." The Jew snaps restoring the status quo of the
partnership.
The two men retire to bed and the
peace is soon broken by screaming mobs, car chases, bombings, shootings, you
name it every unpleasant thing you could imagine. Bin goes outside for some
prayer and sure enough it's not long before he's confronted by Genghis Khan,
who asks him what is Bin looking at? Bin
not used to such insolence, instantly retorts," you dog keep your remarks
to yourself." Genghis dismounts from his horse and punches Bin twice in
the face, Bin falls to the floor bleeding heavily. He has never felt such hard
blows in his life. There are no aids to protect him here, he is just a normal
guy, having to eat the shit like us all.
Lucifer picks him up off the hot floor and can see the chastened
defeated look in his hollow eyes. "How long will I be here for Boss?"
he says in a whisper. "Why for all eternity Bin he laughs, get used to it.
"I can't go on like this Boss," Bin cries. "You have no choice
this is it, the end, your legacy Bin." Then the Devil walks away in silence
leaving Bin to look around at the evil mess and mayhem surrounding him.
5.
At the end of the week Lucifer calls for Bin and David to
follow him to the Devil Jet. "Do your best to enrol many souls for me
lads, I'm relying on you, now go!" He says. It's a boring flight, David reads the
financial news and Bin reads about the decline of woman's morals tut, tuting
all the time as he digests the Arab cleric authors preaching's. David dryly points out, "any of your lot
Piloting this plane Bin old boy?"
"Fancy a bacon sandwich?" Bin retorts. Pretty soon the air is
thick with insults to each other. Lucifer's
voice booms over the radio. "Try and get on you two, or it's back to Hell
for you!" This little reminder settles the bickering men down. After a while they touch down in a
private airfield in Yemen. They are disguised as western journalists, on
reflection not a good idea, but whatever, they merge with the crowds. David
goes one way and immediately makes a phone call to his Mother, he says
"Mother it's David your Son!" "My sons dead you crank!" and
hangs up. He realises his mistake and continues travelling to Israel. Bin is
spotted by a conspiracy nerd who believes he has proof the US kept him alive
and done a deal. Bin explains he's
really dead but the gathering crowd don't believe him. Bin explains he has had
to get used to this most of his latter years and the crowd believe him but not
the nerd who contacts a newspaper editor in Fleet Street.
Strangely Bin
doesn't want to get involved with any
killing or evil doing, he just appreciates the fresh air and peace. He walks for miles, drinking orange, eating, talking to the people. He travels to Dubai and meets a sweet woman,
he stays the night with the woman, and feeling sorry for himself tells her his
story. As she strokes his hair a knock on the door is heard, Bin answers the
door; it's the Devil himself. He walks past Bin and sits down. The girl is terrified and pulls the bed
sheets up to her chin. The Devil looks at her and laughs, "well I'll see
you in hell then, my pretty, as the saying goes." She doesn't say a word. Lucifer say's "Well Bin old boy, tell me
how many little souls have you managed to snare for me?" Bin replies
sheepishly, "Erm not many boss, I've some organising to do."
"Well give me figures then." The Devil snaps. "Not a lot but I
will have some news soon." "I'm becoming annoyed Bin, how many?"
The Devil screams, thumping his cane on the floor. "Well none
yet." Bin says quickly. "
None, none, you useless bastard I don't want to see anymore of this Bin, get
results, then you can consider some pleasure, not the other way round, I'll see
you in a week and I want some figures then!" Lucifer reminds our horny
Arab. The Devil leaves and winks at the pretty woman. "He scares me to
death," She says with a shiver. Bin
looks depressed as he's realised he can never get involved in the killing game
again. He stays with the woman and tours Dubai, staying at the best hotels. He
phones the White House and makes the peace with the US. The Devil hears about this and hotfoots it to
bin's hotel suite early. Bin thinks the knock on the door is the room service
and is expecting a lobster and champagne supper. It's the Devil, old Lucifer himself, he's
furious, and orders Bin to follow him to the waiting Devil Car. His girl cries
and tries to hold on to Bin but it's no use, orders is orders and no one
disobeys the Devil. It's quiet on the
way to the Airport, Bin boards the Devil Jet and David is sitting in his seat
looking sad. They are quiet and hardly speak to each other. David says "You
enrolled none either?" Bin shakes
his head and asks," what for us now?" David informs Bin it will be a
tough couple of hundred years for them both until the next mission, if they are
ever offered one again. The in flight food is ghastly, and the cabin is boiling
hot. A gremlin bites Bins leg, another
peeps over the top of the seat and slashes David's ear with a hot little
dagger. Lots of horrible things happen
to the men on the rest of the journey.
6.
They return to
their usual homes. The Devil says
nothing to them. Bin is worried, there
is a bad atmosphere everywhere. He settles down on his bed, he hears a sound of
slow hooves, snorts, a bad smell fills the air, a bang on his door, his scars
have only just healed. He looks out of his window and sees a queue of horned
Beasts waiting. His heart beats fast and a sickly pain reaches his stomach, he
can't keep his hands still. Bin Laden goes to his bathroom and finds a rusty
razor, he lifts it up to his throat and cuts deep into the flesh, his head
spins and he falls to the floor and the last thing he sees is a hoof in front
of him. He wakes to see the Mighty Man, God himself. God says, "Hello Bin,
how are you? It's no use killing yourself to escape your time, you must serve
it out." " Bin grabs Gods ankle and kisses his feet, "I'm sorry
for my sins God, I truly am, please don't send me back to Hell. How long will I
be there for?" God advises Bin it is forever and dismisses Bin's pleas and
sends him back to the Hot Hell. The Devil greets him and sends him to another
part of Hell, even worse than the last one; Hotter, noisier, with no David to
confide in, life is well, Hell. Bin lies down on the hot burning sheets, he
can't rest, there's no shower room, TV, books or food. Later that day, he hears
the knock he knows so well, he rushes shaking to find a sharp instrument, he
can find nothing. It's too late the Beasts are on him, he screams as the pain
rips up into his private body, a ghastly smell reaches his nostrils as he vomits.
The ordeal lasts and lasts as the unfeeling monsters took it in turns to
urinate on Bin. It goes on and on, days come and go, the pain is relentless,
Bin bleeds to death. Again he wakes up to the hand of God pointing to the door
to Hell.
Bin is put in a
worse room again no bed, he's naked, the hot coals burn his feet and he dances
until exhaustion renders him unable to dance no more and he screams with the
pain, his feet dissolve and he tumbles over, soon his hands and arms are gone,
there is nothing to save him now as the hot burning coals roast through to his
heart. Bin dies, God returns him to Hell, two burly and evil Beasts lower him
into molten lead. Bin Laden shouts for mercy and forgiveness but none comes.
Death comes slowly and painfully, death is no relief now, not a moments
respite, the hot oven surrounds Bin as the searing pain burns deep into his
body......David suffers a similar fate, he has been through this before, but
wait, what is that door opening with a draft of cool air and blue light? Well
God remembers how they both renounced their evil killing ways for a day or two,
whilst sent back down to Earth to recruit more souls for Lucifer, the Almighty
decides to give them some respite as agreed by the universal after death laws. They
are both summoned to the Devil, he booms out in a loud voice, fuck you both,
you ox and pig shit, you've let me down, and what happens? I'll tell you what,
that circumcised goody two shoes pulls a technicality on me, you can go to the
Holding House until a place can be found for you both, fuck knows where. But
remember this you pair of pricks, one mistake and you will be back here with me
to do as I like with you both forever! I will throw huge temptation your way
and my army is powerful. So until then boys, enjoy your little stay over at my little
brothers house. Sadly he still has faith in human nature, the poor misguided
fool.
Two of God's
Angels send a cool carriage to collect the two men, the Angel's bathe
their charred bodies with cool potions and as they do this, they watch
the Devil stare at them with the most bone chilling evil look you could ever
imagine, the snorting beasts stand behind him with no expressions at all, just
cold dark stares.
7.
Bin and David pass through a long
dark passage and look silently at each other with deep hollow defeated eyes,
they know this is their last chance, but will they take it? The Holding House is a tad cooler than Hell
with chastened souls all over the place, these are only too glad to behave and
wouldn't risk making the mistake of causing trouble or evil. But there are
temptations, Lords line the streets trying to recruit the men into their evil
ways with promises of power and wealth.
It means nothing to them now, but knowing these two can they hold out
for thousands of years in their modest little holdings with no air
conditioning? Fifty years pass and Bin
and David's wounds are healed, they regain their sense of humour and even laugh
at each other at times. One dark night, well every night is dark in Holding
actually, David sneaks into Bin's room dressed as a beast and snorts by his
ear, Bin jumps up screaming, and shaking uncontrollably, then folds into the
foetal position, just like a little baby
sucking his thumb, he laughs in bursts and can't seem to come out of it. David
say's, "Jesus Bin, you were really traumatised by the beasts back there in
Hell weren't you man?" David feels sorry for playing the prank and
realises Bin is a broken man. Bin stays
like this for hours, every time David goes near him he jumps and whimpers like
a frightened pup. Bin cries shouting,
"Allah save me, please save me!" he turns to David screaming, "
I'll get you for this you traitor of the people, you American arse licking
bastard!"
Three years later Bin finally forgives
David and invites him for a small meal. David sits down to the Lamb dinner and
just loves it, tell me Bin how did you make this? "Well David, firstly I
mixed two pieces of minced Lamb with mixed herbs and roasted this in wine, but
not before adding the secret ingredient." " Oh come on bin, you can
share the little recipe with me, can't you?" David begs Bin wanting to make this himself.
"O.K. then David it was thirty five grams of pork!" Bin sits back
pissing himself laughing as David gags and gets up, he storms out shouting,
"the Rabbi told me never to trust an Arab. I hope you sister marries an
American Marine." Bin Laden shouts , "Mathew 5:38 an eye for an eye
so it says in your bible, Western loving Jew Boy. " It seems the two men
will always be pulling fast one's on each other. Next day the men shake hands
and realise they must remain on communicating terms if they are ever to win
that return to Earth. One hundred years later the Devil and his brother receive
a communication from the man in the sky sent by God's lawyer himself. Rather than go bickering with constant legal
battles between Lucifer and God he agrees to end the fight for the souls of Bin
and David by throwing a challenge down, who ever wins over the most souls and converts them to good shall win freedom from Hell forever, or
lose and go back to the Devil. They must not fall back to sinful ways and
commit no sins of note. "Lucifer likes the sound of this deal, besides he's
sure he will retain the two men's company, and shows the drooling beasts the
letter. "It looks like you might have these sweet little boys forever my
children." He says laughing heartily. "Draft a reply to that pompous
bastard saying I agree, " Lucifer
snaps to his scribe. And so Bin and
David are informed by letter of the good news, the day to embark to Earth duly
arrives, as usual the aircraft is boiling hot with no air conditioning. The two
would be saviours are given their guides. The door bursts open and even though it's
forty degrees Celsius the air feels cool. The two men shake hands then go their
separate ways. Bin arrives at an old
training camp in Afghanistan, he soon realises this isn't a suitable place for
a preacher of good, and goes to Iraq instead.
8.
David seeks out an outlook Israeli
army post in the Gaza strip, but like Bin after reading his guide this spot is
declared unsuitable, instead he goes to Bethlehem. David goes to an old night club of dubious
reputation, but he's there for a good reason. He tries to convert a dancer to
take up prayer and bible studies. It's hard work and she seems to be more
interested in selling him some over inflated drink and sex. Tired after a hard
few hundred years he goes to his hotel. Over in Iraq Bin soon finds a keen
Islamist suicide bomber who is keen to wipe the smile off the US presidents
face. It's hard work, and Bin soon starts joining in showing the young fanatic
some pictures of US targets, he comes to his senses and tells the trainee he was
not serious and just wants to show him a better way. He's wasting his time
though, the young hot headed man shouts , "die for the cause, Islam!"
And fires his Kalashnikov into the air. Tired of this nonsense, Bin like David
returns wearily to his hotel , limping from his old wounds from the encounters
with the beasts. It was a nagging
reminder that he must do better. David showers, and he makes sure the water is
cool, he lets out uncontrolled bursts of breath, and feels the soft cool sheets
fall onto his aching body as he drifts into a glorious sleep. Bin does much the
same as David and cries with relief as his head rests on the soft cool pillow.
After many weeks of searching for
a soul to redeem, the two men realise they are not good at this preaching lark,
they soon fall back into sinful and shameful behaviour, amassing wealth and
fornication, although falling short of actually killing. Bin horror of horrors
gives a cut of his fortune to families
of all religious denominations . David likewise buys shelter and housing for Palestinian families made homeless in
Gaza. Lucifer is proud of his boys, but
like the old school reports always say, "could do better." God isn't
happy with the men, far from it, but feels they haven't committed any sins
serious enough to be sent to Hell or be allowed into Heaven. So it's a bit of a conundrum for The Devil
and God. So they talk, this doesn't happen very often so it's a big event and
the two haven't met for twenty thousand years. God says, "Lucifer, you are
more ugly and massively evil looking than last time I had the misfortune to
cast my eyes on you." The devil retorts, " Don't flatter yourself
either, you look so deprived of any fun and even your right arm has grown extra
muscle." Well it turns out the Devil thinks the men have grown too soft,
and God thinks they are improving but are a bit selfish in their ways. For once
the Devil and God pat themselves on each others back, and dare they say it they
could actually work with each other , if only they could see it from each
others point of view a little. But all this talk isn't going to solve the
problem of where to put the partly
reformed characters. It seems they are pretty balanced rogues now and
considering their experiences came out of it all fairly well. The two
superpowers decide to send them to the Safe House, they will never become
powerful or be able to kill again. David and Bin see each other from time to
time, both grateful to have been shown mercy and grudgingly accept this really
is the only way forward for everyone.
Kevin Humphreys
July 2011
